The Hottest Women In The World

Or rather, The Hottest Women In The World, In My Mind.
That's right Internet, forgive the shameless title but if you came across this post, after desperately Google-ing the same words as my blog title, you were probably hoping for a "Cor Blimey" list of Jakki this, Jodie what and Mel who?
Well, thanks for the hits Sid James, but this is written from the perspective of the Beta Male- and the better man.

 Through naming some of the loveliest faces from television, film and theater, I intend to go off on positive and negative tangents related to these ladies listed, but possibly in some cases talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with them.
I am Back In Blog, for three reasons;
1. I am still too much of a wimp to try stand-up comedy (I got a great bit about condoms if it ever happens).
2. The culture iron is hot at the moment, I need to discuss it somewhere.
3. I am freshly single after a long term relationship. Not from my choosing either. So its that kind of single that just turns life really sour; the kind of sour that makes the bottom of a beer glass look awesome (but not half as good as the next one does), makes every sad song sound remarkably poignant (when its probably actually about heroin or something), but most importantly you realize what you have lost and what you have learned from the person you were with (forgive me, I have been watching a lot of Sex and The City recently).
My ex-girlfriend was wonderfully fashionable, and had an incredible eye for clothing. If you are into that kind of thing, her blog is called Katie's Creative and you should check it out, it is like a free Wigan based Elle!
But one thing I learned from being with her is to appreciate people who are stunningly cool, in the most low key and non-ostentatious ways. This is a tribute to her, as she was kind of one of them.
So this is it, the Comeback Special, the Return Of The Mack, The Second Coming. Diving back into the cannon of culture, by way of the Most Quietly Lovely Faces According To Me.
And once again, if you came looking for tits Sid, fuck off, you won't find any here.

1. Emma Stone in Easy A
When I watched this film for the first time, I just thought it was really wonderful to have a romantic comedy made nowadays, that held all the loveliness of the old John Hughes movies. An 80's romance movie, made in 2010. The key to the films loveliness, however, is the beautifully dorky redhead in the lead, who has since become a very famous blonde. The scene in which she loudly pretends to have sex with her gay friend to help him placate the cruelties of college homophobia, is one of the most charmingly funny sequences of recent years, well up there in the sweetness stakes with the Sleeping Bags Hug sequence from Superbad, also starring Stone: there is a pattern emerging here...Mix this with her voice that would make a  newscast about genocide sound pleasant, and you have an actress destined to be mentioned in this here blog.
Jim Carrey went a bit weird over Emma Stone a few years ago on Youtube.
There was some method to the madness.

2. Alesha Dixon on Britain's Got Talent 2013 
I found myself going all Bruno, most weeks of the last series of Britain's Got Talent; each week Alesha Dixon made whatever outfit she had on look absolutely awesome. My personal favorite was a combination of curly hair and a playsuit that changed my mind on that type of clothing completely. It seemed incredibly subtle too which just made it all the nicer, as playing something like this down would obviously be a difficult task.
Obviously though, Simon Cowell is back on TV this week with the return of his other show, The X Factor.
What makes me so frustrated by The X Factor is its absolute terrible inability to create anything new, music wise. It is purely there to fill ratings, because it really is a Field Of Dreams scenario of "If you show it, they will watch". And what is so aggravating about this is despite continually vowing never to watch it again, I always do.
Yet why?  Each week we see nearly 3 hours of mind numbing footage, of semi good singers, get bombarded with superlatives from a panel of phoney judges, who know it has all been done before, but they keep talking shit because they know fat dullard bastards like me, will end up watching anyway.
My hatred and disgust for this show awake when i recently visited London. While walking through an Underground Station,  most likely Leicester Square, I heard The Best Busker Ever. An older man, with what I could best describe as a smart rockabilly hairstyle and outfit, with a low slung guitar, playing a version of You're The One That I Want from Grease with the vocal style and guitar sound of Paul Simon's Graceland.
 A hint of his song will be embedded in my mind forever, it was so sublime. I find it agonizing I will not hear that song again, and it generates this intolerance for The X Factor: there is outstanding music out there; yet this is the bollocks that makes it. There are X Factor 10th place runner ups you can hear entire albums from no problem, but there is true quality out there that is lost in a moment. Its a flagship of shitty music, and I wish it would stop.
I bare no grudge against people who watch The X Factor, so I offer a group pact to anyone who knows they are like me: if you think you are about to watch The X Factor, act like James Franco did in 127 
Hours to free himself;
To save yourself from watching The X Factor, remove your eyes. That is what I swear to do to myself if I so much as watch a results show.  
Top Of The Lake on BBC2 on Saturdays shown that the nights TV can actually be awesome, but I think it would be grossly unfair to impose a New Zealand drama about abduction, rape and domestic violence on everyone. I understand on a Saturday night, that dross can be just what you want, but new dross please, not the same old shit we have now watched for 10 years. The remote is in your hands...


 3. Paula Lane from Coronation Street
It all gets massively alternative here. Even under that chav costume design to play her Kylie Platt character, you can tell that Paula Lane is one of the most attractive women on British TV. I recently happened to see a picture of her walking about in real life and I just thought she looked awesome. Almost the embodiment of these low key lovelies I am constantly referring back to, I think the key here is beautifully applied make up and really nice skin too.
I always thought she looked like Joan Jett in the music video for Crimson and Clover, probably for me the Sexiest Music Video Of All Time (don't bother yourself, Sid).
I have a lot of respect for Coronation Street, it is by far the best TV soap, and often perfectly balances funny banal story lines with the tragic and genuinely emotive heavy stuff. Its London counterpart Eastenders, just cannot do this. Eastenders is maudlin, depressing, boring and often irritating drivel, that often confuses gritty realism with pure wickedness and mistakes comic relief as getting a bunch of Savvern teenagers you cannot understand to blub and gurn at one another about "rehnt" and "collidge". It is desperately bad television, that is in the same category of Flog Myself For Watching It TV as The X Factor. People who enjoy watching Eastenders should watch my life from afar; you would like it: it is dull and boring and does not really go anywhere.
Coronation Street is really admirable though. When Chris Fountain recently lost his job as Corrie's Tommy Duckworth for his ludicrous exploits as masked rapper The Phantom ("Benchpress your house..."? Seriously, Chris?), he really did lose one of the finer jobs on TV. I am also sure he'll have left the lovely Paula Lane a post-it begging "Stay In Touch!!".


 4.Zrinka Cvitesic as Girl in Once, Phoenix Theater, London West End
I went to see this this show over the summer and in all honesty was not majorly impressed. It is an incredibly modern production and probably a little too woolly for my taste. The songs are relatively samey, and unusual for me with West End shows, I had no hankering to play the lead character. Not in fiction that is.
Amidst all the chummy Irish backslapping, woozy romance (kind of struck a chord in someways), and acoustic soapbox drumming, I honestly felt genuinely warmed to Cvitesic's Girl. Probably down to her wonderfully defined cheekbones, dark almost sad eyes, and no doubt amped up yet never the less wonderfully sweet broken English accent. I am not one for put on accents, but after a glance in the program in the interval, realized that at least she is actually from the Czech Republic. By the end of a second half I had created a rather accurate sketch of What I Would Like My Wife To Be Like. Add this to her getting (albeit nicely) gibbed come the end of the show, now more than ever had I wanted to slap the lead "Guy", the lucky handsome bastard.

5. Allison Williams as Marnie in Girls

 I mentioned at the start of this blog I have been watching a lot of Sex and The City. It is an outstandingly well acted and well written comedy drama about the high life in 90's Manhattan. It is probably the definition of Couples TV; the female characters are all well rounded, and some of the male characters are so likeable you feel genuinely gutted for them when they inevitably get the push from the uber independent women. A lot of the time though it is just far too glamorous for comfort, that it almost borders on fantasy. HBO's wonderful Girls is essentially a modern take on the explicit antics of Carrie and the ladies, but with all the cynicism of the post 9/11 world present and correct. Girls is written by the shockingly talented Lena Dunham, and produced by the wonderful Judd Apatow, together creating a wonderfully hip, grim, depressing, vulgar, shocking and frequently hilarious comedy drama.
The atmosphere kind of recalls some early Woody Allen films, like Annie Hall, the neuroses of all characters blending together to create uncomfortable yet endlessly watchable content. Throw in the mix comical performances from Andrew Rannells and Chris O'Dowd, you'd think you have your comedy capped and qualified. Enter the stunning Allison Williams as the frustratingly mixed up Marnie. From the start Marnie's incredibly awkward yet realistic relationship with Charlie, has been the lifeblood of the shows laughs, cringes and tears.
Her rendition of Kanye West's Stronger at Charlie's app launch party is probably the most simultaneously sad, funny, sexy and cringeworthy scene since they started writing stuff like that.
She is a top notch actress too: her ferocious argument with Lena Dunham at the end of the first season, left me feeling completely rattled. Additionally her erratic and heart melting "I want to watch you die" speech at the end of the second series, is just the wonderfully barbed sibling to The Wedding Singer's "I Want To Grow Old With You" ending. Allison Williams perfect skin and teeth, not to mention wonderful style of clothing make her a really unique comedic actress akin to say Dianne Keaton, with a charming combination of knowing goofyness and the ability to light up the screen just by smiling. I look forward to the third season of Girls; the show is like nothing you have seen on TV before and I strongly recommend it.

So there it was, like it or lump it, the over baked slight return of Methods Of Modern. Join me soon for some slightly more focused blogs celebrating the greatest and shittest entertainment there is on offer.
And again, sorry about the blog title, that really was cheap.

 WilliaZrinka CvitešićZrinka

Zrinka Cvitešić

The Revolution Will Be Televised? Or Printed?

There is something quite revolutionary about the front page of todays i. Revolutionary in the most literal sense.
Grayed out are those most recently affected by the investigations of the intitial News Of The World hacking scandal; the resigned, the sacked, the arrested. Above these pictures rests the dramatic headline, calling imagery of The French Revolution to mind. The powerful, greedy and selfishly ambitious laid bare before the public.
Sitting in full active colour at the lower half of the page are James Murdoch, Rupert Murdoch and most ominously Prime Minister, David Cameron. Of course, after todays hearings in which Murdoch's James and Rupert, spoke publicly, making various apologies and denials where applicable, Cameron is the last to get that initial grilling. Afterall, he is in exactly the same position as Murdoch, he hasnt actively gone guessing answer phone passkeys, but those who have, have been in his employment. Labour must directly yet respectfully question Cameron, making sure he knows the public, his rivals and his supporters all have front row seats looking directly into his ivory tower. The same goes for Murdoch and co.

Remember many of those who have resigned have done so with integrity, and in the interests of the investigation. Many if not the majority of the staff who lost their job at the News Of The World, really wouldn't have had involvement in the scandal, and their redunancies are simply a cruel fallout of the actions of a man wealthy enough to disown Britain's former best selling newspaper just to try and save face.
Also, I would in no way wish the punitive measures of the French Revolution on anyone. But questions must be answered, by many of the people pictured above. This excellent front page above a fine reminder that no-one, even in the highest of places, is invincible.

AdSlag: Talk Talk 2011

Well, well, after only two days since the opening of AdSlag, my creation to vent my anger against lazy modern advertising by way of celebrating the quality of old, I feel the need to let out a big cheer for this wonderful clip from Talk Talk.

What any communications company needs to do in these times of easy social networking is get us all gooey over the idea of why we use these systems in the first place. We contact somebody because they are not there to be spoken to. We feel to need to contact someone, because we have something to say to them. What the Talk Talk ad here really taps into is the concept of missing someone that you love.

With the combination of heart warming, stop motion- esque animations of cute household items, desperately hoping to hear from a loved one, played out to the wonderful Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers; in just one minute this ad gets right to the heart of the viewer.

Students living away from home, those in long distance relationships, people with friends they haven’t spoken to for some time would all be encouraged to get in touch with that other person.

Of course Talk Talk are not trying to get people jumping ship to their brand just on the basis of this advert, more just a way of using their brand to punctuate this beautiful advert. But by putting this advert out to the viewer they certainly reach people’s hearts and minds, giving their brand a caring, home based image. Put that next to BT’s rambling soap opera advert with the guy out of My Family, and Talk Talk really stand out. I am shocked to say, but this modern advert is a real classic.

AdSlag: Wimpy 1987

I hereby declare the AdSlag project of Methods Of Modern Love open!
AdSlag will be a regular feature of the blog, combining both my love of retro culture and cynicism towards modern pap that counts as advertising these days. So expect to see lots of lovely heart warming ads from yesteryear, plus contemporary tripe that will make your blood boil. If you’re a modern ad man reading this then learn from the quality on show. If you’re a modern ad man reading this, scoffing your Pret A Manger panini, dropping crumbs over your company issue iPad, going “Well, could you do better?”, well, yes. I could.
To begin is this fun, super catchy offering from Wimpy in 1987.

What I love about this advert is it is so unashamedly nerdy, combining 1980’s cheese, with a certain nostalgic 1950’s feel, almost synonymous with classic fast food (see American Graffitti ). The pleasant barber shop type song a perfect complement to Wimpy’s red and white stripe uniform of the time.
The slogan “Come On Over” is also sweetly inviting, demonstrating just the right amount of friendliness, perhaps influencing the modern “Come Around To Our Place” Pizza Hut slogan of 2011. Without that aggravatingly chummy and uncertain “Max Your Chat - Pizza Hut” approach that is.
These days you are as likely to see an advert for Wimpy on UK TV, as you are to find a person eating in Wimpy. Yet here is a slice of 80’s advertising that will really raise a smile.

Isle Of Wight Festival 2011: Full Review Part 2

Saturday 13^th June 2011

Acts @ Main Stage: Lissie, Stornoway, Hurts, Mike & The Mechanics, Seasick Steve, Iggy & The Stooges, Pulp.

Lissie

This relatively friendly seeming country rock singer created an enjoyable early afternoon atmosphere to ease me into the events of the day.

She was also amusing enough to punctuate the typical new album plug with a; “buy it because I get 60% of every album sold!”. This was a figure I have wondered about for a while, so I was grateful for this information.

Best Song: N/A

Awesome Moment: Getting the answer to that record sales question.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

 Stornoway

Celebrated by newspapers for this festival performance, I have to be honest, I just looked straight through this band as an uninteresting indie by numbers set up. This may be slightly harsh, as my main reasons for not enjoying this set was an agonising drop of suntan lotion accidently rubbed into my eye, leaving me half blind and irritable for the whole set.

Sorry guys, blame Ambre Solaire for this bad review, but expect big things for Stornoway in the future maybe?

Best Song: N/A

Awesome Moment: Stornoway’s plug for Isle Of Wight’s local Owl & Monkey Sanctuary. Even by name alone this place sounds great.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/10

Hurts

Enter Hurts, with their polished up interpretation of Depeche Mode’s Fly On The Windscreen sound, complete with Evernescence backing stage (black cloak, white roses pomp).

This duo, so clad in black they make The Sisters Of Mercy seem colourful, with their full funeral arrangement orchestra, opera soloist, and serious faced yet saucy Scottish Widows type dancers, had an air of the ridiculous about them. Their music is far from abominable, sharing revival kudos with the like of La Roux, but with all that tosh surrounding them, it is difficult for the tinny, almost miserablist songs to get lost in the mix. There is a good sound in there somewhere, and with my eyes closed (from the continuous sun tan lotion agony) it was easier to appreciate, and felt well worth listening to. My god though, was the emo/ Twilight crowd well catered for.

Best Song: N/A

Awesome Moment: The lead singer reminding us we would later be seeing Pulp.

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10

Mike & The Mechanics

Beware of this changeling band! Turning into Genesis halfway through, Mike & The Mechanics failed to excite me at all, seeming to be a bizarre anomaly on a day of cynical, moody music.

Clad irritatingly in Burton menswear, the band suddenly decided to play Genesis songs, probably for Mike Rutherford’s pleasure (Rutherford being Rutherford or “Mike” a connection I failed to make at the time). This just emphasised how limp the band on stage were that day.  Asking the pointless “are there any Genesis fans out there?” question, just seemed like a quick focus group to see if it would be worth Genesis reuniting again.  If it would sound anything like this I would say no.

Possibly the limpest and definitely most pointless act of the weekend.

Best Song: Looking Back Over My Shoulder

Awesome Moment: When I misheard the keyboardist say “great crowd...pfft...crap crowd”. He apparently said “great crowd” twice, but i still maintain my superior, hilarious version of events.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/10

Seasick Steve

First allow to get this picky qualm out the way first. Why is this guy so amazingly popular with students and young people. His music style has been done many times, for many years, yet there is no “Legend” status for the likes of Howlin’ Wolf and Muddy Waters with your average 17-20 year old.With that confusion out in the open, I will now celebrate this excellent, highlights loaded set.

Arriving on stage to instant audience appreciation, Seasick Steve brought out the ace up his denim clad  sleeve; Led Zeppelin’s John Paul Jones on bass guitar! This surprise addition paved the way for a rollicking set, which included a girl from the audience being personally sung to by Seasick Steve, who throughout the set revealed an array of increasingly bizarre homemade guitars.

Seasick Steve’s breakdowns of his makeshift guitars and entertaining anecdotes making a fine companion to the stomping, surprisingly heavy, blues rock.

Best Song: All sounded relatively similar, but the life story type one, chorused with serious guitar shredding was a definite highlight.

Awesome Moment: The rumours being true; John Paul Jones turning up to make a brilliant part of the scenery.

Overall Enjoyment:7/10

Iggy & the Stooges

Iggy Pop didn’t so much put on a show as make an appearance. Arriving, causing havoc with the audience and then effing off.

Whipping the crowd into an a frenzied aggressive mob that never quite calmed again for the rest of the day, Iggy’s stage invasion rally may have been a failure, but his overall affect on the crowds behaviour was undeniable. Iggy Pop being well on the loose, security obviously broke a sweat.

Admittedly despite Raw Power being one of my favourite albums, I was hoping to hear a few of Iggy’s solo hits of albums Lust For Life or The Idiot, the majority of Stooges material just blending into one blitz of noise to soundtrack Iggy Pop going mental up and down, on and off stage.

Highlights included: Iggy spitting at the irritating Sky TV cameras and giving it the finger, saying “fuck TV”; Iggy swinging the mic around with about eight feet of slack, Iggy denting speaker by stabbing it with the microphone, Iggy getting nervous VIP’s to dance on stage, Iggy inviting a stage invasion and Iggy strangling himself with microphone chord.
Bizarre, nerve wrecking stuff; a performance more survived than enjoyed.

Best Song: God knows what he sang. No Fun was in there somewhere.

Awesome Moment:  Dave Grohl being amongst the awkward VIP’s dancing on stage with Iggy like he had a gun to their heads.

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
 

Pulp

My most anticipated act of the weekend, one of their first shows in Britain in a long time, the classic Pulp line-up delivered an outstanding ninety minute, filler free set list (although for me, Dishes and The Fear would have been more welcome than This Is Hardcore or Sunrise).

Jarvis Cocker proved to be as entertaining when just talking, resembling a zany university lecturer, with all his bizarre observations of the audience and beyond, musings on the stage set up, throwing half eaten grapes and a tangerine to the crowd.  Each line he spoke in that trademark voice sounding like a line from the verse of a mythical new Pulp song; the “Should I another bar on the fire?” line sounded like something straight out of a song like Pencil Skirt.

Delivering in every way, the crowd were massively appreciative, with the chorus of Common People sounding like as much a war cry as it was originally intended.

This set felt so raw, so wanted, so amazingly necessary, there were actually times where I felt the hairs on my neck stand to attention, and (seriously) tears well up in my eyes.

Best Song: Between Common People or the absolutely aching performance of Underwear

Awesome Moment: Absolutely for myself, that would be shaking Jarvis Cocker’s hand. Other highlights included the eerie I Spy “spy camera” moment or the wonderful “bar on the fire” discussion.

Overall Enjoyment:  10/10. From start to finish this show was awesome.

Sunday 14^th June 2011

Acts @ Main Stage: Jeff Beck, Pixie Lott, Two Door Cinema Club, Plan B, The Script, Beady Eye

Acts @ The Big Top: Public Image Limited, Manic Street Preachers

Jeff Beck

A treat of a special guest, if only to hear his guitar playing on this consistently rainy day. Beck kept the talking to an absolute minimum, leaving a very glum yet excellent display of guitar playing.

I have come to expect this attitude from these frowny British guitar masters (like Eric Clapton as well as Jeff Beck), however, audience acknowledgement at this time of the day was nearly a worthy sacrifice for some stunning blues guitar.

But just a little more love for those standing in the rain may have been nice.

Best Song: A Day in the Life (instrumental)

Awesome Moment: Seeing Jeff Beck play guitar

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10

Pixie Lott

Read this performance as primped, photogenic, pop princess shows her midriff in the rain.

Most entertainment for me derived from the groups of guys in the crowd discussing which of their number they believed she was eyeing up, or whose eye line “she just clocked, man”.

This circus of ego providing sweet distraction from this dull, by numbers performance.

Best Song: A depressing “ooo no, it’s raining” performance of Boys And Girls

Awesome Moment: A girl in the crowd standing next to me, assuming Pixie Lott was crying as she sang Adele’s Someone Like You. She wasn’t.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/10 (4/10 if she hadn’t worn that bizarre eyebrow glitter)

Two Door Cinema Club

Or rather Three Man Sixth Form Band. Making Mike & The Mechanic’s seem like they had been The Rolling Stones, this set dragged on like a session of torture. Two Door Cinema Club proved to be a real hot lot with the largely teenage, early Sunday audience...Maybe college friends, turned up to show some support?

Whatever, I hated them.

Best Song: None

Awesome Moment: Their last song and them leaving. I whooped and clapped at this; my girlfriend mistook this for me liking the song. Nooo....

Overall Enjoyment: 2/10 The worst of the weekend.
 

Plan B

This set had two golden elements; great stage layout and an awesome beat boxer (Faith SFX is it?).

Call me a cube, but this was all let down by Plan B’s yobbish, lame attitude. Be this asking “Who smokes facking weed?” to a crowd of school kids and demanding the crowd start a moshpit to a song that hardly warranted it.

Noticing that some of these youngsters in the crowd were mistaking moshing for getting really angry and punching each other, I moved my girlfriend to my safer side. That’s right Plan B, you and your yoof crowd put old fogeys like us in serious danger. No wonder Michael Caine kicked your arse in Harry Brown. In all fairness though, there was some good stuff in here.

Best Song: She Said

Awesome Moment: That beatboxer, showing off some really impressive beat boxing.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

The Script

First things first, this is not my scene at all. I think The Script have a cheek to call themselves anything above a boy band in terms of their sound. I think their singles are generally shit.

But as much as I would like to really slate The Script here, I am not going to.

I was bored and irritated throughout this set, yes. But for thosein the crowd who would like this kind of dross, I could tell The Script had put on an amazing show.

Kissing audience members, taking Twitter pictures, coming down to the barrier, letting the rain poor onto him off the stage roof while making boy band pose, goofing around playfully with other band members in an “aww cute” kind of way, The Script’s lead man pulled out all the stops to make this show really memorable for their fans.

Although that certainly does not include me, I think their visible appreciation and gratitude for their fans deserves the same from me here.

Best Song: N/A

Awesome Moment: When the lead man approached a girl at the barrier, sang to her the final line of his song and kissed her on the cheek. The ecstasy in the girls face throughout was like he was threatening her with torture.

Overall Enjoyment:  6/10

Beady Eye

My most anticipated act of the day, and possibly second most anticipated of the festival.

On paper, Beady Eye, the new Noel-less version of Oasis almost struck me to be worthy of a headliner slot before I seen this show.

The new album is pretty good, so with a few Oasis classics thrown in surely good times would be had?

No such luck. Beady Eye performed 90% new album and a couple of covers. No Oasis songs at all.

Even when looking past this and taking the show on Beady Eye songs alone; the sound on stage was abysmal, sounding more like a cheap ipod dock that risked being blown away by an acoustic set at Garden Stage.

So for me, what should have been a headliner worthy show, was actually a quiet, weak, lazy affair, which performed as it was would have fitted nicely between Pixie Lott and Plan B earlier.

With all the video preamble of a Union Jack clad Liam Gallacher swaggering his way passively to the stage, just eventually felt like ridiculous pomp and a huge let down.

I still think Beady Eye have more to show in the future, but here there was just something missing. I would say maybe another thousand in the crowd and a few notches of volume.

Some people in the crowd seemed to argue what is missing: is Noel.

Best Song: The Roller

Awesome Moment: Seeing Liam Gallacher for real. Like if you were to see a mythical creature in real life, you would be in awe of how it was just like it is on TV and all? Well. Liam Gallacher is like that. The arrogance, the image, the complaining, the rows with the crowd. It is ALL. FOR. REAL.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/10

Public Image Limited

Moving over to The Big Top, the rain finally laying off for a brief moment, we went to check out PiL.

Providing everything you could want from a PiL set; John Lydon screaming and scowling, complaining and talking enough shit to fill a Country Life Butter advert.

Throw this in with a generous offering of Public Image Limited’s ridiculously mixed bag of songs (in terms of style and quality), all with the backdrop of the marvellously laid back Big Top and I had a really great time.

Best Song: Warrior

Awesome Moment: Lydon listing the problems he had with the stage set up. (He’d apparently left the stage in anger at one point too)

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

 Manic Street Preachers

After the disappointment of Beady Eye, the indulgence of Public Image Limited and the absolute shitness of some acts I had seen earlier on Main Stage, I needed something good to end the weekend on a high.

And Jesus Christ did the Manic’s end my weekend on a high. Having already seen them at Glastonbury 2007 in a daytime slot, I was expecting good things, but nothing prepared me for this.

Performing a totally flab free, all your faves and then some set, Manic’s provided everything I could have wanted from a Main Stage headliner; let alone one in The Big Top.

Showing Beady Eye that you can bring a headline audience an amazing show with just the band and a modestly decorated stage, the audience seemed delighted with this performance.

The key phrase that I felt applied to this show was “value”. In just an hour and a half you get to hear all those amazing songs , performed by this seriously under acknowledged, legendary band in such a way that roars passion and dedication to their music. Responsible for at least six great albums, of which, three are certain classics, I had my own personal desired set list built in my mind. The band played all the songs the audience were expecting, plus some neat little surprises that were just as loved.

On leaving the stage, they left the audience salivating for just any more possible scraps of performance, (and it would have been too, they had already performed so much, feeding a totally electrifying five minute encore call.
Disappointingly, this was unresponded to, so this show was literally an encore away from being what I expect to be the best show of my life.

Yet even without it, it still may be.

I hear that over at Main Stage, Kasabian pulled off something special, but I don’t care.

Manic Street Preachers at The Big Top, Isle Of Wight Festival 2011, was an absolutely remarkable show.

Best Song: The Everlasting, Suicide Is Painless

Awesome Moment: James Dean Bradfield’s stunning solo acoustic performance of The Everlasting.

Overall Enjoyment: 10/10

That is me, centre front. Singing along to Pulp. A great festival.

Isle Of Wight Festival 2011: Full Review Part 1

This year I travelled from Liverpool, by way of Nottingham to the Isle Of Wight Festival 2011. I was accompanied by my girlfriend, for this, my second music festival.

The festival took place from Thursday 9^th June to Sunday 12^th June 2011. Here is a rundown of the acts I seen and what I thought of them!

Thursday 9^th June 2011

Acts @ The Big Top- ABC, Boy George

When we arrived at The Big Top, we were greeted with an incredibly enjoyable DJ session, courtesy of Rusty Egan, The Big Top in-house DJ. Perfectly fitting with the evenings bill of 1980’s music, the playlist included brilliant mixes of New Order, Visage, Eurythmics and David Bowie. The sound had a marvellously cold, industrial feel, making me wish there were more nightclubs that played sets like this. Rusty Egan was to become a much adored companion throughout the weekend, his sets an anticipated link between acts that made the interval almost something to look forward to!

ABC

Kicking off a marvellous campers only night were Martin Fry’s ABC. Hopping through hits off the excellent Lexicon of Love album, they managed to cover all the bases and make a thoroughly enjoyable opener to the festival. I am pleased to confirm Fry still sports that amazing white-yellow hair colour.

Best Song- The Look Of Love

Awesome Moment- As a parody of the over excitable audience, myself and girlfriend decided to go wild, much to our surprise we seemed to start a wave of similar madness in the crowd around us.

Overall Enjoyment- 6/10

 Boy George

Worried about the Boy? Don’t be. He seems to be doing fine. Never the wallflower, arriving in a typically garish orange top hat and a quirky suit that looked like a shot up gangster who bled red glitter. Bizarrely brilliant.

He was also quick to show his unhappiness at the stage situation, obviously complaining the sound set up wasn’t to his liking. I had to feel sorry for him during this, he was obviously quite irritated. Yet the problems never shown through in his performance, putting on a really entertaining show that had me singing along throughout.

Best Song- Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?, Karma Chameleon, Starman (cover version).

Awesome Moment- Boy George showing off that crazed 1980’s ego, with various comments such as “It’s very boomy in here...boomboomboomboom” and “This isn’t fucking X-factor”

Overall Enjoyment- 7/10

Friday 10^th June 2011

Acts @ Main Stage- Big Country, We Are Scientists

Acts @ The Big Top- Edei, Sharon Corr, Imelda May, Eliza Doolittle, Alexandra Burk, Joan Jett

Big Country

Described by the announcer as his favourite band, I still find myself wondering just how big this band are. I have seen their albums in HMV and the crowd seemed to like them, but I just wonder how big they are! Anyway, Big Country opened up proceedings at Main Stage.

Best Song-  N/A

Awesome Moment- Made me laugh seeing the lead singer get over the barrier to hang out with the audience.

Overall Enjoyment- 4/10

We Are Scientists

They are from New York don’t you know? You would be foolish not to guess this with their constant neurotic, Woody Allen-esque statements between songs, “somebody stop that fucking big wheel turning; its extremely off-putting”. This wasn’t cutting it with me, so I decided to move off to The Big Top for “Ladies Day”.

 Best Song-  N/A

Awesome Moment- Walking away to The Big Top

Overall Enjoyment- 4/10.

 

Edei

Can Timberland boots look good with a frilly dress? Maybe. Edei would have you believe so, wearing this ensemble while confidently yet modestly rolling out her catalogue of songs. Such graciousness to her audience combined with a performance of single “Loved”, that I had been looking forward to after hearing on the radio, really got me on her side.

Best Song- Loved

Awesome Moment- Realising I had turned up bang on time to hear “Loved”

Overall Enjoyment- 5/10

Sharon Corr

This quarter of pop band The Corr’s turned out to be pleasant surprise. Playing songs of her own and also crowd pleasing hits by The Corr’s, I quickly found myself really enjoying Sharon Corr’s set.

By both reminding me of her talent as a violinist, and with a voice so sweetly performing Corr’s hit “Radio”, I quickly found that late 1990’s crush saved for Andrea Corr transfer itself to this wonderful violin playing sister.

Best Song- Radio, So Young

Awesome Moment- Sharon’s thanks to the audience for instilling her growing self confidence as a solo artist.

Overall Enjoyment-7 /10

Imelda May

Within this set came one of the greatest surprises of the weekend. Imelda and her band put on a massively enthusiastic and energetic performance that was just a joy to be a part of.

Imelda May has surely found a new fan in me, purchasing one of her albums yesterday, it seemed a real shame when this band had to leave. A funky bassist, a massively authentic 50’s looking guitarist and Imelda May’s amazing Batman design dress, made this show just so irresistible.

Best Song- Not sure of any song names. There was a lot of good stuff though.

Awesome Moment- Discovering that the design on Imelda May’s dress was actually lots of little Batman symbols!

Overall Enjoyment-8/10

Eliza Doolittle

What followed next was yet another incredibly entertaining show. This seemingly pleasant individual Eliza Doolittle really earned my appreciation throughout this show, with her playful songs and brilliantly enthusiastic backing group.

Best Song- Mr. Medicine

Awesome Moment- When I shook Eliza’s hand! As she bounced down the stage steps to greet her audience, I was only expecting a quick hand slap, so was pleasantly surprised to get a full friendly handclasp.  Watching that backing group was also great fun.

Overall Enjoyment- 7/10

Alexandra Burke

The show put on by the X Factor winner was unfortunately a slight spoiler of the incredible pace set by the previous acts. Without a doubt, Burke seems like a lovely, genuine person, but sadly, just seems a little packaged as an artist. With almost a false American accent plus the occasional, seemingly forced on stage swearword ("this shit is live"), I couldn’t help but feel this wasn’t second headliner standard and that both Doolittle and May should have been above her on the line up.

But I liked Burke on the X Factor so I will give some credit here; she is a great singer, and should be allowed to break free as a performer a little more. She has won the X factor now, so it would be nice if she could show off that voice a little more, with an actual backing band, not just a stodgy backing track. Her on stage backing dancers provided some hilarity in the form of deliberate six pack rolling and theatrical gurning. But sadly, this overly polished performance, just doesn’t hack it at festivals, especially after performances of Imelda May’s standard earlier on.

Best Song- Bad Boys

Awesome Moment- I allowed a little girl and her minder to take my place at the front barrier for this performance. It obviously would have meant more to her and seemed to make her night. As a result, I became the crowd hero for a short period of time. Some of Alexandra’s dancing was OK too.

Overall Enjoyment-5 /10

 Having spent nearly all day in the company of Rusty Egan, his quality DJ sets, entertaining miming and generally just making us happy by being there, he had officially become a festival hero for myself and my girlfriend. So I had to make sure I shook his hand as he left the stage for the last time that day and offered him a handshake as he passed. He shook my hand with a big smile (Dude).

I have read up on him since and he is quite prestigious on that scene: he was in Visage and also DJ’d at the iconic Blitz club. But I loved him before I knew any of this. It was a pleasure to be in your audience Rusty!

Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Bringing things back to festival land was a marvellously rocking show by Joan Jett, who played with a real hardcore energy that was needed to blast some life into this late night audience. There is still something weirdly attractive about Joan Jett, which I really cannot put my finger on. I think it might be that she is just really punky and cool.

Sniffing and spitting her way through the catalogue of ladypunk hits, Jett still seems amazingly rock and roll. Put it this way, unlike Debbie Harry recently, I really couldn’t see her on Something for the Weekend. 

So Joan Jett brought to a close what had been Ladies Day, and I have to be honest it really was a brilliant days entertainment, providing a wonderful alternative to the laddish braying of Kaiser Chiefs at Main Stage. Corr, May, Doolittle and Jett  all managed to contribute to this wonderfully odd mix their own unique slant on the proceedings, providing the quirky, sexy, funny, sweet, classy and cool atmosphere that was the Friday at The Big Top. Bravo ladies.

Best Song- I Love Rock ‘n Roll

Awesome Moment- While performing The Stooges “I Wanna Be Your Dog”, Jett was looking right at me while singing the line beginning “Now I’m ready to feel your hand”. I have to be honest I found this exceptionally unnerving, and for a moment I think my girlfriend did to!

Another highlight was Joan Jett going “Sorry” for incorrectly timing her audience guide for clapping to a song. The goofy little smile and laugh before continuing, a perfect example of that strange hotness.

Overall Enjoyment- 8/10